Today was one of those days that the moment you get out of bed, you wish you never had. I woke up at 5:30am to make my wonderful husband his breakfast and pack his lunch, took our sweet little doggie for a walk and then crawled back into bed. A few hours later, when I decided to check the time, realized I had slept through my second alarm!! Jumped in the shower and rushed to good ole San Jac to finish my piece on the company. 5 minutes there I was ready to punch a few of the dancers in the face...I'm awful, I know.
Sometimes I wish I wasn't such a people pleaser or that I didn't always look for the best in people or that I didn't trust people so easily...but I am...that's who I have been designed to be.
After time and time again of not being able to please everyone, being disappointed in others choices...the reasons are endless...I STILL DON'T CHANGE MY EXPECTATIONS.
Why? Why do I desire to constantly fix every broken relationship I have walked through...EVEN IF IT WAS UNHEALTHY? Ex boyfriends, friends who have hurt me deeply, wounds that are STILL being healed? Why do I insist on becoming everyone's best friend? Why do I obsess over making sure your heart is pleased?
When I brought these questions up tonight in our car ride to the church...my patient husband (after I ranted for 30 minutes) so flawlessly and efortlessly said "We were created for unity."
Why didn't I think of that...
Our creator designed us to crave the good, crave the perfect, crave the beautiful. Why? Because it's who He is! Of course we wan't to fix things, we know they're broken. We see the flaws and we don't find joy in those. Knowing that doesn't make it easier when we get hurt...but it does give us hope. One day we will live in unity. One day every knee will bow and there will be NO more tears.
Until then, I will be the person who will stalk you on facebook...comment on every other status and every other picture. Be over joyed when you tell me the littlest thing. Cry why someone unintentionally hurts my feelings. Text and call you even if I don't particularly like you at that moment. Smile even if I want to cry. Pray even if I don't feel like it. And worship even in the storm.
I love you. More than you know. I do wish the best for you...even if I hate you right now...i'll get over it and I will forgive you...because God is making a new creation..and I don't want to miss it.
:) Oh, that Chris... such a wise fellow. I'm glad you don't give up on people. That is something that I need to work on. I was ready and willing to pack all my crap today and start a new life elsewhere because of people's constant disappointment, but what good would that do me in the long run? :) Thanks for being inspiring.
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